Bisma Parvez for Minder
So, you both swiped right and the match is made! The next step is sending that first nerve-racking message that can possibly decide your fate!
Sounds like a lot of pressure, right? Well it doesn’t need to be.
The initial introduction can really be hard for some people and with good reason — you never know how much emphasis your match puts on the introduction and to be honest it’s a hard balance of standing out but being authentic to yourself. But the absolute best thing you can do is keep it simple and be yourself. Sometimes a message that seems too “try hard” is a sure way of NOT getting a response.
The Best Introductions
- Start with a question — even if it’s as simple as, “How are you today?” It gives the other person something to respond to.
- If something in particular really stood out in the person’s profile, mention it! It shows that you swiped right on them for more than just looks.
- If you start with a compliment, make it as specific as you can, especially if you’re a guy messaging a girl. Girls get generic compliments pretty often so if you genuinely like something about someone, you can comment on a feature or a part of their profile which is specific to her.
- Be true to your personality — if you’re funny, be funny but if you’re more serious then no need to pull out the jokes now.
- Ask a specific question about your match that they have mentioned in their profile — about their job, their interests or what they are looking for.
- Mention a similarity — if your match has something in his or her profile that you agree with or you guys have similar tastes, you can start with mentioning that because it’s a simple ice breaker.
- Be witty — this one is not for everyone because it requires a certain personality type, but if that’s something you can do then use it to your advantage.
- Research — it might sound crazy but you can google some good “pick up” lines or ask friends of the opposite gender what works for them.
- Be relatable — if your match is from the same country or seems like they might have a similar style, you can talk about it to get a conversation going.
The Worst Introductions
- No introduction — Don’t wait for your match to message first. If you’re genuinely interested, then message them.
- A delayed introduction — if you matched three days ago it seems odd not to say hello now and gives off the impression you were not interested enough to begin with.
- “Hi.” — Just a greeting with no follow up question doesn’t necessarily entice the person to respond other than saying “hello” back — but now there is no conversation.
- Cheesy pick up lines are usually bad — you might think you are being creative but it’s likely been said before. However, sometimes they can be so bad that it ends up being funny.
- An insult — this might sound crazy but there are a lot of people who start with a backhanded compliment or an outright insult. Either start off with a compliment or don’t say anything at all.
- Spelling or grammatical mistakes — it’s not a dealbreaker by any means but it’s nice to know the person you matched with knows the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re.’
Eg. You’re really smart vs your profile is really interesting
- Don’t be narcissistic or compliment yourself. You may think you’re a great catch but telling someone they are lucky you swiped right on them is a sure way to get unmatched.
The most important thing is to be genuine and true to your personality while tailoring your conversation so that your match knows you are interested. Of course, not everyone is going to be the one, but always be respectful.
May Allah (swt) guide you to your perfect match! Ameen.